Week #8 (late again...)

I really don't have anything witty or particular mindful to go along with the pics this week. It's just a look at what's happening here. I probably don't have much to say because Elise isn't letting anyone get much sleep...

Abstract art at it's finest. 

This is her new thing, when she doesn't want to listen to me she throws her head up, like so, and marches away from me!

Pretty much everyday of every week we have a princess or ballerina in the house, or even a Princess that is a ballerina!

Week #7 Family Day Weekend

We were really lucky to get to have an entire Family Day weekend all together. It included swimming, pizza, movies, walks, adventures to find unicorns, magical fairies and butterflies (all were found but the butterflies).

Searching for the Unicorns, Fairies and Butterflies

I also had a little 'aha moment'. One of those times your kids stop you in your tracks and make you instantly analyze what you just did or are about to do.

Ben has not been feeling well so we popped him into a walk-in clinic. When Ben was called in the girls and I hung out in the waiting room. They were hopping between chairs and generally having a good time. Shortly after Ben left us a man walked out of a room from just being seen.  Aubrey looked him up and down as he walked past us, then asked "Mom why is he wearing pyjama pants?".

Elise believes in Jammie days, and wearing 5 pairs of undies on top.

Not wanting the man to be embarrassed, I instantly started to say "shhh" but barely got the sound out of my mouth before I stopped. I knew if i told her to shh, she would instantly ask why she should. . When I thought about how I would answer I didn't have a good enough answer to continue. I also thought if I say that would it have more impact on the man, maybe he would think I thought it was a shameful thing. I looked at her and replied "Well I don't really know why, but if I were to guess I bet it's because he is sick and just wants to be comfy.". Satisfied with my answer she went back to playing with Elise.

I was left to think of the impact me telling her to shh could have had. Would it have made her think it was a bad thing to wear comfortable clothing? That the man should be embarrassed?  Would it have produce a seed of judgment inside her for later years?

The rest of the weekend was much less eventful, unless you count the unicorn/fairy hunting.

I think she spotted a unicorn!

Week #6 (a day late)

Last week was a laid back week with the cold weather and everyone still working at recovering from colds. So just a couple of pictures...

She was wearing this giant skirt and dancing around, I had her stop for a few seconds so I could take a picture that was not her twirling. This is the look I received. 

Showing Dad how to multi-task, sweeping while colouring! Girls got skills!

I loves her. This picture reminds me of so many of her from when she was about 6 months old. 

The Sick Wars

At the end of last week I had really started to feel a bit of a cold coming on. All weekend I tried to ignore it and went about my business. Obviously my determination alone would keep the sickness at bay, I would not give in to a weakness like this. I'm tough like that. 

Fast forward to Tuesday, Ben is gone to a conference for two days, Aubrey has school/dance, our house has no food, and I am in need of a doctor. Since I am clearly superwoman I arranged for my Mom to pick Aubrey up from school, dashed into Red Deer to a walkin, got a prescription for a sinus infection (F*$#), whipped through the grocery store, got Aubrey picked up then dropped off again at dance, then ran about making a gourmet (ok it was chill) dinner for my family.   And don't you worry I did this all with a big smile and super happy….

Fast forward again to tonight. It's now been almost three days of meds and I feel worse. All day I have felt the weakness that is a sinus infection take me over. Surprisingly this has decreased my mood slightly. 

Then on top of it all BEN starts in with a man-cold. First it was a few texts telling me he wasn't feeling great. These generally followed a text where I told him I didn't feel well. I had a lot of time on my hands today, the girls were easy peasy, but this left time to stew. Jump ahead now to Ben  walking in the door…"oh man hon I don't feel good…" sniffle, sniffle, cough cough. 

This is where my eyes narrowed, breathing became a bit rapid, my head snapped up from my super non-geeky crocheting, "Quit trying to steal my sick-thunder Ben!".  He laughed. He actually laughed at me like this was a joke.  

Then he started in on questions about how my sinus infection started, "did it feel like this…" "did you have a runny nose…".  The eyes narrowed further, this guy was obviously not getting my irritation. "Ben you have a cold, I have an infection which is obviously worse. Quit trying to be sicker than me!"  Then I walked myself to the bath and told him to enjoy making supper :)

Week #2

Aubrey and Elise are big story tellers. The imagination that sparks out of them each day never stops surprising me.  One minute I can be watching a ballet about a girl who wants to go to a grand ball, the next it's a story of magic that most people can only dream of. 

Before I had Elise (also while she was an infant), I used to do a lot of painting projects with Aubrey. Once Elise was old enough to participate it came to a quick end. Elise was has a lot more spunk than Aubs did at that age. A painting project meant spending an hour getting it off my chairs, walls, garbage can, her hair, face, legs, I think you get the picture. 

This week I decided it was time to branch out and try again. I am so glad I did. Elise loved every minute of it, she even ended with barely any on her. And Aubrey created stories with her paintings in a whole new way. 

Aubrey has a really great story about her painting. In the end it was an Angel who was guiding three golden stars. Actually I am not doing the story justice, she explained it all to Ben when he got home, luckily he caught it on video :)

Lisey really thought that painting was hilarious. She finished in about ten minutes, then sat there eating a cookie chattering away at me. 

Elise and I have two hours, twice a week where it is just her and I. During our time alone we do a lot of reading, snuggling, playing with dollies. It's all very exciting especially when you don't have to worry about sharing!

I kept trying to talk to her while taking this picture, she got very frustrated and told me "shhhhh, baby night!". Which obviously means 'lady be quiet my baby is sleeping'!

The look she gives me when she doesn't like an answer I give her ;)

Week #1

I was looking for a way to make sure I kept my camera out this year. Last year I found that I would go hard, then not touch it for a month. So, I decided that I needed a plan. I looked around at some of the 52 week challenges but was not keen on taking on a theme each week. Instead I am doing my own thing. 

Every week i will be posting either a picture or pictures that show a week in our life. It will definitely be a mix of the good, the bad and the ugly. Hope you are all prepared :)

Week #1....Fun in the snow!

The girls waiting on Lukey to shovel a path. 

Such good buddies. 

Finally in!

“Youth can not know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

An Old Friend

Last week I was lucky to be able to tag along to Mexico to an old friends wedding. I won't count how many years we have known each other because that will make me feel too old.  Through the years since High School ended we dipped in and out of each others lives. Always seeming to be there at the right moments, and like no time had really ever passed. Not in a "neither of you have grown up way", but in a way that's like cracking open your favourite old book and settling in for a good read. 

A few weeks before the wedding Jammey kindly asked me to take photos while she and her girls got ready. My first thought was "Yes of course". My second thought was "Mother of Pearl! What if I mess this up?". Then I thought she can't hate me if I do, it's like an old friend rule, you're not really allowed to truly hate each other. 

Anyways I was so glad to get to be a part of her day and watch the events unfold. There were so many touching moments throughout the day. Moments with tears, laughs, and with no other way to describe it…nerves!  I watched as Jammey took time to let each person know what they meant to her and it just blew me away.  Her heart was so open to all these people that it kind of took your breath away. 

As the time got closer to the actual wedding I noticed slight shifts in her energy. Not huge just small. By the time she got her dress on and the veil was being placed I could feel her anxiousness bouncing about the room.  Not in a hyper way. She held her body slightly tighter, her smiles were strained not in a bad way, but in a "I can't wait to do this" way.  

It brought me straight back to my own wedding day and those moments before I walked down the aisle. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like my muscles had tightened to the point they were not allowing for air to get in my lungs.  Not because I was worried about making the right choice, but because I KNEW it was the right choice. Because I knew I loved Ben so much that it makes you hurt a bit.  

I love that I got to see that in my old friend. To know that,as she starts her new life with Adam, she loves him that much. 

Aha Moment

I had an 'Aha' moment the last weekend. It actually kind of crushed me a tiny bit.  But I am so glad that I have solid proof of where changes need to be made!

First, I have been thinking about self esteem for quite some time. Watching as my niece and nephews are edging their way into that adolescent zone.  I think I became so much more aware after having two girls and recalling my own experience. I remember the year I headed into grade 7 I suddenly had a chest. Grade 6 there was nothing, summer came and so did boobs.  I was SO self conscious. None of the other girls had grown a full chest over the summer and it felt wrong to me to be different. To stand out. I just had no understanding and the confidence to say "I love this new body".

Anyways. It got me trying to remember when it happens. When does that moment happen that you start to hate your own body. I watch Aubrey and Elise they have zero concept of body hate. Aubrey tells us all the time how she feels and looks beautiful, not in a vain way but in that little girl way where they are so excited to feel that way. And the believe it, they believe it with all their heart. And Aubrey looks at me all the time and tells me "Mom you look like a princess" or "Mom you looks so beautiful".  I have fought to roll my eyes in response and attempted to beat the thoughts out of my head that this kid is on crack. 

I want to be that little girl again who simply thinks everyone is beautiful.  Seriously how different our world could be. Think about it!

Back to my 'Aha' moment.  Last weekend I was laying in bed with the two girls reading our ritual bedtime story. Ben took out his phone and started taking pictures of the three of us together. And instead of looking at the picture as a precious memory of that moment in time, a moment that will eventually feel like a flicker of time, I flipped through them, stopping long enough to say "I look terrible!"  Aubrey asked if she could look at the pictures. I watched her study it for a few seconds then shake her head and say "I look terrible"….gutted.  

That right there is where it starts. 

So, I have made a vow to never say a bad thing about my body again. Not even a just in front of the kids promise. I mean never. It's a process, i have had to fight hard multiple times already to not say something.  So pray for me that I have the strength to keep it up…

Brick Wall

I've been finding myself at this wall. It's a sort of brick wall, kind of pretty in the way brick can be. It has these cracks in it.  They are old cracks. You can tell they are old from the way the dust and dirt is settled into the broken parts.  At a first glance the cracks make me almost want to look away.  Some days I guess I do.  They just seem too…at home.  

But then I look closer, the closer I look at the cracks and broken pieces I notice that in the time I focused on the cracks I almost missed the best part. I completely missed seeing the way the cracks brought the wall to life. Without them to create shadows, and depth, and character, well it would just be a wall, a brick wall. 

I have the feeling if I can let go of the worry and angst of the imperfections on this brick wall something magical would happen.  That maybe vines of  beautiful flowers could grow through the space left in the cracks and create a mass of beauty.  Or maybe, maybe even more cracks would appear and one day just finally take the damn wall down and expose the hidden life behind it.  

*Please go give the smiley lady in the corner a click to keep my votes up on the Top Mommy Blogs site.  She likes the attention. 

A Disney Surprise!

I have always wanted to pick up and just leave. Like on a total whim, where people are kind of stunned you did it.   BUT…the ever anxious person who resides in my head never lets me follow through with this. Until…Lucky me, I married someone who DOES do this sort of thing!

Ben has been begging. That's right begging, to sleep train Elise.  I on the other hand found many reasons why sleep training couldn't happen.  So we had been talking for quite sometime about where Aubrey and I would go for a few nights while he got our sleeping situation under control.  I made a joke about us going to Disneyland and that i had seen a good deal.  Approximately 10 hours later when he came home from meetings in Edmonton, he had managed to book Aubrey and I on a Disney adventure!!

The kicker, knowing me as well as he does, he never bought cancellation insurance! And he knows as much as I have anxiety over things, I am also cheap and wouldn't waste the money!!

This trip with Aubrey was such a blessing.  Even though we had just been there 4 months prior, this time it was like she was a whole year older. She was so engaged in every little thing we did.  When she got to meet Princesses you would have thought they were there to meet her.  She would bow, and twirl, and hug them. She would watch them intently as they struck different poses with other kids. Then as we walked through the park she would randomly stop and strike a new pose for passing people. Seriously she should have been on the payroll!

It felt like this magical door was opened for her and I. One where we were able to just be. I mean truly just be in our environment and totally appreciate each other. Seeing the joy on her face all day long, hearing the excitement in her voice was worth every penny of being there.  I felt like I was given this chance to, in a weird way, fall in love with her all over again!   I mean you wholly love your kids the moment they are born, but you fall in love with them deeper as you live life with them. Know what I mean?  

Letter To Me

A letter to myself 9 months ago...

Kelly,

You are a month away from having your second beautiful baby girl.  She is going to add so much love, laughter and joy to your little family.  As she grows watching her interact with Aubrey will bring  smile to your face unlike any other.  Watching her grow and develop personality traits will give you a sense of pride that only a mother can know.

But, on your journey there is going to be struggles.  Along with the intense feelings of love and joy that your children bring there will be such an overwhelming, intense feeling that almost drowns you. 

You will shed more tears then you thought you had.  You will wonder if you are ever going to feel ‘right’ again. 

Finally you will break. You heart will feel like it’s a shattered shell so frail you wonder how there was a time it was strong. But was it ever strong?  Or were you always weak ?  These are questions that will plague you. You will think that you are different, that no one else has gone through the pains you are going through. 

You’re wrong.

If I could talk to you that day, from my perspective now, I would tell you how strong you are. I would tell you how speaking up and being vulnerable will forever change your life.  In so many ways you will feel freed. You will feel like the weight on your chest stopping you from breathing properly will suddenly be gone.  Sure its just the start to healing, but oh is it a powerful start.

I wish I could show you the emails and facebook messages you will receive form people. People who have stories like yours, people who just want to tell you they love you, and people who just put a smile on your face.   Because when you start receiving this outreach your life changes.   You see that there is nothing all that special about you.  You see that there are so many women who have struggled, and struggled hard.   Maybe had you seen these messages sooner a whole world of pain could have been avoided, or maybe lessened.  You wouldn’t have had to go so many months thinking you were alone.

But I can’t show you any of this. I can’t hold your hand and walk with you through those dark days.   Instead I hope you embrace this journey. Hold onto it and grow.  Because there is so much good that is going to come from those days.  Always remember imperfections are what creates beauty. 

“ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin 

Community Theatre

This weekend was our last round of Bashaw performances of Beauty and the Beast. It went really well. We had amazing audiences and the whole cast really put their best forward.   I sort of randomly fell into community theatre, but have loved it since I did. 

As the years have gone on and I have done more and more productions there has been a side of me that slowly has emerged. I have really taken a liking to having a 'character'.  In the first few plays I was mortified at the thought of having any form of a spoken line, or worse yet singing one!  As time has gone on it's really changed for me. I found that I was starting to feel like maybe I could do what others did. Maybe I could actually have a…gasp…role!  And in the last few plays I have, I mustered up some courage did my auditions and got some small parts that have been a lot of fun. 

I was reflecting tonight on how this happened. The thought pranced through my mind as I watched Bryan (a good family friend) up on stage singing his part. Bryan is probably one of the last people you would ever expect to be in community theatre. I remember doing ensemble parts with him where he would stand behind me and lip sync (or so he claims, I think I heard a squeak or two) and now the guy is up there with solo songs. I watched him and thought this guy is a town councillor, business owner, regular (don't worry Bryan I still think you are special not just regular but I need to get my point across) kind of a guy. But seriously the guy shines up there. He continues to blow people away. 

I used to think that it was simply only my Aunty Lori's direction that really brought out the best in everyone. Here is my disclaimer, she really does do this. She has a natural gift for helping people to have confidence and truly believing they can nail their role. BUT…it's not just her. 

In watching Bryan up there I realized it's someone like him who made me realize I could do it.  And not just him but so many others.  I have watched so many people get on stage and just come alive. I have seen people from my community who have not always had an easy time and just shine. And as I watch them you see all of the good just come flooding from them. I remember realizing that I could have it to. That these people were so brave and willing to step up that I was overwhelmed by the notion that I could be like them. 

This was hard for me. I generally do not like being in the spotlight. I'm usually a behind the scenes kind of a gal. 

Anyway. My point in all this is that I am so thankful for the family that our community theatre has created. It's not one person who makes it special, it's not one person who brings out the good, it truly is a community effort. On show days when energy is high and everyone has truly just come together it is an amazing feeling.  And one that I will forever be thankful for.