Week #1

I was looking for a way to make sure I kept my camera out this year. Last year I found that I would go hard, then not touch it for a month. So, I decided that I needed a plan. I looked around at some of the 52 week challenges but was not keen on taking on a theme each week. Instead I am doing my own thing. 

Every week i will be posting either a picture or pictures that show a week in our life. It will definitely be a mix of the good, the bad and the ugly. Hope you are all prepared :)

Week #1....Fun in the snow!

The girls waiting on Lukey to shovel a path. 

Such good buddies. 

Finally in!

“Youth can not know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Bedtime Prayer

Ben and I long ago established a pretty solid bedtime routine with the girls. It's rare we stray very much from it. It usually starts with a bath, then teeth brushed, stories, prayers, and hugs and kisses goodnight.  I have also gotten into the habit of having conversation with Aubrey especially since she is older.  Often it's her telling me what she was most grateful for that day, or sometimes I will describe a moment in the day where she did something I was really proud of.  Tonight's bedtime routine brought quick tears to my eyes. 

I sat on her bed listening and watching as Ben and Aubrey began creating an elaborate story about a pink Unicorn and a flower, Elise lay on my shoulder watching the action.  Eventually the story shifted, Ben began to make up a story that essentially told her about the 'Angel Tree' up at BDSS.  

When Ben finished the story I lay down next to Aubrey and began to explain that the Angel Tree her Dad talked about in the story was real. And that there are people all over the world who sometimes don't have the extra money to be able to do Christmas, and explained in depth that there are always many reasons why. I explained that we could go and choose Angels off the tree and help to buy presents so they could enjoy Christmas just like we get to.  I also explained that people don't always have an easy time buying food, going on to describe our food bank and how it works. 

I wasn't real sure she actually understood much of what I said. She seemed a bit glazed over and not in the moment with me. So, i moved us along to prayers. Aubrey has taken a liking to starting the prayer and has me finish it up. I asked her if she would like to start tonight, she quickly said yes and that she would like me to finish it. 

She wasted no time diving into her prayer.  I waited for the usual, normally it's talking about how she is thankful for a princess, or certain toy, or something we did that day. Tonight her prayer went like this - " Dear God, sometimes there is people who can't buy things for Christmas and Food. Please help Mommy, Daddy, Liser and Me figure out a way to buy them presents and food."

I love her too much. 

Hello 29...

Well tomorrow is 'The Big Day' *insert scary music* I turn 29.  Feel free to shower me with champagne and gifts, it's my champagne Birthday 29 on the 29th.  I'm heading into the Birthday with a real mix of emotions. A) Holy Mother of Pearl this is my last year in my 20's, didn't I just turn 21?  B) It's all downhill from here, instead of champagne send your best wrinkle cream C) I still got one more year before I'm old like my sisters. 

First a little lead up to the Birthday day.  This week began with an awesome fight between Ben and I.  See he thought i didn't want to do anything for my Birthday. Like nothing. Nada. Zip.  You know because most people like to just sit around twiddling their thumbs.  Actually I don't call them fights anymore, we had a 'miscommunication'.  

Anyway it got sorted. I think. If you drive by my house tomorrow and you see me staring longingly out my window, please save me. 

Next I am working on a project. Sorta, kinda, only sorta because I hate committing to things in fear I won't follow through. I will have more on this project soon. 

Lastly, this last year has been the most challenging year I have ever faced. Dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety is a world that is so up and down. I have been blessed with an amazing support system in my husband and family, without them I'm not entirely sure how I would have gotten through the year. My girls have yet again succeeded in teaching me more life lessons in one year than you would ever dream possible. I am excited to see what this next year will hold for me. 

50 Years

First, last week there was a lot of sadness and tragedy in our world.  If you really let yourself look in depth it can feel like our entire world is nothing but tragedy.  It's true there is so much that needs to change. So much that if you allow yourself to think about it it might just consume you whole. 

Last week one comment that really stuck with me was "It makes me sick to think of the world my children and their children will have to grow up in…"  There were many different variations of this statement.  This comment kind of stopped me in my tracks. 

First I was a bit embarrassed by myself because I have thought this exact same thing. Even had a bit of anxiety over it. Why was I embarrassed?

Well, the way I see it is (god willing) I have at least a good solid 50-70 years left on my life.  To be conservative let's go with 50.   Am I really going to sit back for the next 50 years and say "too bad this world my kids are growing up in sucks so much!"?   Am I going to passively sit around and hope someone else picks up the pieces of our community, school, world etc.   Or just already give up?! 

Honestly this thought never occurred to me until this week.   

Then it made me realize I am really not OK with sitting around for another 50 years feeling sick about our world and my poor children. Instead I want to make a difference. I want to work the next 50 years trying to leave our world in a better space.  I also don't want to raise my kids as a victim of our environment. Poor them. Pfftt. I want them to get their hands dirty. Be apart of transforming this world into something amazing. 

Maybe, just maybe if they are a part of it they will take pride in it. They will nurture it, tend to it with a gentle hands, embrace it with a loving heart, look at it with compassionate eyes.  I like to try and imagine a world like that.  Try it. It's a pretty cool looking place. 

A time for prayers

Not unlike everyone else I have been so heartbroken for the all the people involved in the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary school. I can't even fathom what kind of emotion the people who lost family members must being going through. And in blunt honesty I try not to let myself imagine, I fear just being completely swallowed by a tragedy so enormous.  Reading different articles, seeing Facebook posts, and a quick 10 minute run of the news has got me thinking of so many things.

One big thing being - How do we put a stop to such mass violence? What an overwhelming question. I honestly don't know how any person could possibly answer that. Or where you could begin to truly make an impact. Where is the starting point?

This came across my screen tonight a statement from Morgan Freeman-

“You want to know why {these shootings keep happening}. This may sound cynical, but here’s why.It’s because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single victim of Columbine? Disturbed people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he’ll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.
CNN’s article says that if the body count “holds up”, this will rank as the second deadliest shooting behind Virginia Tech, as if statistics somehow make one shooting worse than another. Then they post a video interview of third-graders for all the details of what they saw and heard while the shootings were happening. Fox News has plastered the killer’s face on all their reports for hours. Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer’s identity? None that I've seen yet. Because they don’t sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you've just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.
You can help by forgetting you ever read this man's name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news."

He really got me thinking. And he is so right in that it is a rare day when past shootings are talked about that you hear much of the victims. The shooters are made into a form of celebrity.

One of the other things that I really thought about today was the enormous impact this would have on the shooters family as well. In honesty I don't think I had ever thought too much about a shooters family before and how heartbreaking this would be for them to have to live through the pain of his acts.  I was blown away to see one of the victims fathers say in reference to the shooters family "I can't imagine how hard this experience must be for you"

What an amazing thing to say. I was so impacted by the grace of that father.

I find it hard to write the right words to get across what I think or feel, so instead I am stealing someone else's thoughts. These were my Mom's words in response to yesterday.

It is through children’s eyes that we often see ourselves in ways we had not intended. Our responses to conflict and tragedy may be the only tools they have to learn how to live in relationship. Making sense of the tragedy in Connecticut is not possible. My heart aches for the families who lost their precious little ones and I pray that the rest of us honor their lives by living as we were intended to - with love.

Community Theatre

This weekend was our last round of Bashaw performances of Beauty and the Beast. It went really well. We had amazing audiences and the whole cast really put their best forward.   I sort of randomly fell into community theatre, but have loved it since I did. 

As the years have gone on and I have done more and more productions there has been a side of me that slowly has emerged. I have really taken a liking to having a 'character'.  In the first few plays I was mortified at the thought of having any form of a spoken line, or worse yet singing one!  As time has gone on it's really changed for me. I found that I was starting to feel like maybe I could do what others did. Maybe I could actually have a…gasp…role!  And in the last few plays I have, I mustered up some courage did my auditions and got some small parts that have been a lot of fun. 

I was reflecting tonight on how this happened. The thought pranced through my mind as I watched Bryan (a good family friend) up on stage singing his part. Bryan is probably one of the last people you would ever expect to be in community theatre. I remember doing ensemble parts with him where he would stand behind me and lip sync (or so he claims, I think I heard a squeak or two) and now the guy is up there with solo songs. I watched him and thought this guy is a town councillor, business owner, regular (don't worry Bryan I still think you are special not just regular but I need to get my point across) kind of a guy. But seriously the guy shines up there. He continues to blow people away. 

I used to think that it was simply only my Aunty Lori's direction that really brought out the best in everyone. Here is my disclaimer, she really does do this. She has a natural gift for helping people to have confidence and truly believing they can nail their role. BUT…it's not just her. 

In watching Bryan up there I realized it's someone like him who made me realize I could do it.  And not just him but so many others.  I have watched so many people get on stage and just come alive. I have seen people from my community who have not always had an easy time and just shine. And as I watch them you see all of the good just come flooding from them. I remember realizing that I could have it to. That these people were so brave and willing to step up that I was overwhelmed by the notion that I could be like them. 

This was hard for me. I generally do not like being in the spotlight. I'm usually a behind the scenes kind of a gal. 

Anyway. My point in all this is that I am so thankful for the family that our community theatre has created. It's not one person who makes it special, it's not one person who brings out the good, it truly is a community effort. On show days when energy is high and everyone has truly just come together it is an amazing feeling.  And one that I will forever be thankful for.