A letter to myself 9 months ago...
You are a month away from having your second beautiful baby girl. She is going to add so much love, laughter and joy to your little family. As she grows watching her interact with Aubrey will bring smile to your face unlike any other. Watching her grow and develop personality traits will give you a sense of pride that only a mother can know.
But, on your journey there is going to be struggles. Along with the intense feelings of love and joy that your children bring there will be such an overwhelming, intense feeling that almost drowns you.
You will shed more tears then you thought you had. You will wonder if you are ever going to feel ‘right’ again.
Finally you will break. You heart will feel like it’s a shattered shell so frail you wonder how there was a time it was strong. But was it ever strong? Or were you always weak ? These are questions that will plague you. You will think that you are different, that no one else has gone through the pains you are going through.
If I could talk to you that day, from my perspective now, I would tell you how strong you are. I would tell you how speaking up and being vulnerable will forever change your life. In so many ways you will feel freed. You will feel like the weight on your chest stopping you from breathing properly will suddenly be gone. Sure its just the start to healing, but oh is it a powerful start.
I wish I could show you the emails and facebook messages you will receive form people. People who have stories like yours, people who just want to tell you they love you, and people who just put a smile on your face. Because when you start receiving this outreach your life changes. You see that there is nothing all that special about you. You see that there are so many women who have struggled, and struggled hard. Maybe had you seen these messages sooner a whole world of pain could have been avoided, or maybe lessened. You wouldn’t have had to go so many months thinking you were alone.
But I can’t show you any of this. I can’t hold your hand and walk with you through those dark days. Instead I hope you embrace this journey. Hold onto it and grow. Because there is so much good that is going to come from those days. Always remember imperfections are what creates beauty.
“ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin