Sleeping Beauty

Aubrey once was a great sleeper. When she was an infant she really was a good sleeper. Then I ruined her.  I was always so anxious that she would stop breathing. When time went on and I got over that fear I started thinking if I sprung up to her every peep in the middle of the night and just held her for a minute she would not wake up too much.

I have since discovered, well other than the fact I ruined her, she is a noisy sleeper.  My bad.  But now she STILL wakes up. ALL. THE. TIME. 

Ok sometimes it feels like that but really it’s mostly just that she wakes up to come into bad with us and then goes back to sleep. There are bad nights though where she sneaks into our bed then thinks we should all have a good chat about princesses, dresses and the list could go on.

I find myself complaining about this. Probably too often.  Then I discovered something this week.

I had been having a lot of trouble falling asleep.  I have been having a lot of anxiety over something happening to the girls. Irrational things.  Like Elise not breathing, Aubrey being kidnapped in the middle of the night, a fire in the house and I can’t get to Aubrey. And again the list could go on and on. 

Elise and I having a little nap

And as if on cue, Aubrey would walk into the room and climb into bed with me.  Now she doesn’t just lie next to me she wraps herself around me. Her legs twist around my arm, one arm goes under my neck and the other goes over top.   Sadly I have complained about not having room to sleep when she is with me.

But two nights ago I realized it is now the only way I truly relax into a good sleep.  The anxieties go away and I am comforted by her little chubby hand twisting into my hair.  I figure it is really only a short time in our life that she will do this and I really do love it. So I need to take the time to soak it up.  Although the only downfall is I do miss sleeping next to Ben. 

I feel like Aubrey knows that I sleep better with her next to me. Honestly for two weeks now when my anxiety has been it’s worse. She has not failed me and with in 5 minutes, or less, of me lying down in bed she comes in.  The other night I was propped up on my elbow looking at Elise in her bassinette waiting for Ben to get into bed.  I had the feeling I was being watched so I turned my head to take a look. There was a small head peeking around the doorframe whispering “mom…mooomm” with a big smile. When we made eye contact we both had a good laugh and she came and snuggled in for the night.