Tonight as I got my girls ready to head out for Halloween I did a lot of reflecting. And I really got blown away at how prominent anxiety was in me even when I was quite young. I never was truly excited about Halloween.
I remember even when I was at a very young elementary age, being so anxious about halloween that i couldn't just enjoy the day. I would stress about a costume and what I should be. I would never feel like I could pick something that would be good, or cool or just different. I hate the stress that came around having to pick something. I look back now and wish I had been the kind of kid who could have just enjoyed it and the opportunity to really have fun with being someone or something else for a day.
As I got older I would stress about what others were doing that night (or weekend). What were my friends doing? Who should I go with? Would anyone let me go with them? Do i even want to go? Seriously I can think like that. How depressing and so unfortunate that I was not able to just be there. Just be in the moment and the joy and fun that can come from an event.
Even now it's not great. While were in Disney they have a few nights a week in October that are a special Halloween Trick or Treating event. You buy a special ticket, the park closes early to others, and its a Halloween extravaganza. It was very cool. As we were planning the trip I felt relief that I would not dress up. I figured I had two kids i would dress and that was the lucky thing about being a parent you simply don't have to dress up.
Everyone in our group planned to. Had I not I would be the only one practically in the entire park NOT dressed up. So before we left Ben and I went to one of those giant Halloween stores and picked out costumes. I was really impressed with myself I picked one quickly and felt really great about the choice.
Fast forward to our dress up day…I was near a meltdown. I tried to get out of dressing up and hated my costume and was anxious about it.
Sometimes there is just simply no escape from it all.
On a good note Aubs loved Halloween and tried to ditch her parents to go treating with her cousins, Elise hated it and stayed with me at Grandma and Grandpa's instead :)
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