Fulfillment

This weekend Ben bought us tickets to the show Cavalia. The show was truly amazing. It was clear to see the bond between human and horse. The horses were simply stunning to watch in action. Whenever I go to things like this my mind races. I try to make it stop so I can just be in the moment, but it is a stubborn mind and doesn't always care to listen. 

There was one woman who was a part of the show that really got me thinking. She was a fiery red headed lady, and I am sure anyone reading this who also went to the show will know who I am talking about.  I loved watching her. It was clear to see that she truly loved being in front of a crowd. Everytime she went by the audience her face lit up and pulled you in.  The more I watched her I thought how fulfilling it is to love what you do that much. I mean obviously I never talked to the lady but I am willing to bet she LOVES what she does. 

Then I really started thinking about fulfillment. Does anyone ever truly feel fulfilled? Or is there always something more, or different we want before we think we will truly be fulfilled?

Let me explain. 

As I watched her and thought "this lady clearly is where she is meant to be and loves it" my next thought was "I wonder if I asked her if that is what she would truly answer?".   What I mean is I look at my life and I love it. I love that I have two beautiful girls, I love that I have the most amazing husband, I love being close to my family. I can keep going with that list but I think you get the point. SO then I wondered does that make me fulfilled? 

I say Yes and No. Why?  Well Because I am fulfilled in my family life. I wouldn't trade it with anyone, not even someone who had the exact situation but was maybe saner than me, I like the crazy(kinda). BUT….There is always a but…I have this other section of my brain that has been laying in waiting. This part of me that is kicking at the gates begging for a turn to run. 

As I was trying to explain all of this to Ben on our way home I then wondered if this meant I was a terrible person for not just feeling fulfilled with what I have now. Then I started to go a little deeper into the thought. And the realization I came to was that if I felt completely fulfilled and settled in this moment where do I have to go from here? Why would I have reason to push myself, to learn, to try, to fail, to try again, and grow. 

I swear one day I will watch a show and just sit pleasantly watching the entertainment.