In my last post I explained a bit about where my head went after watching the amazing show Cavalia, and the fiery redhead lady ( I am sure she has a great name but I simply don't know it). But I had one more round of thoughts that never fit into that post, so here I am again….
When we got home that night from the show I was attempting to get my girls to bed and it wasn't going as planned. Aubrey had been battling a virus and was just out of sorts while Elise simply wanted to chat. So I sat in my rocking chair holding Elise as she chattered on one knee and cradled Aubrey in my other arm. She was so beyond tired she quickly crashed. But I was stuck unable to move until Ben could assist me. So instead I listened to Aubrey's deep breaths mixed in with Elise's excellent story and just watched them.
When I took that time to truly just look at Aubrey I realized she has grown up, like a lot. And I feel like I can get so busy I don't notice it in her. This made me a bit weepy. Sigh, I hate being weepy. Anyway back to my point.
As I watched the Cavalia and this fiery red head lady I couldn't help but think of Aubs. Like I said before it was clear this woman was meant to be in front of crowds, she ate it up and loved it. I would think most people who know my Aubs would say she is a bit of a crowd lover…just a tiny teeny bit…ok she is like her Dad and takes every chance she can get to put on a show for people. I love watching her.
Now I will risk sounding like one of 'those moms', you know the ones who are all convinced their child is going to be the next NHL star. But I seriously can't imagine Aubrey doing anything that is NOT big. I don't even know what 'big' means it is more a feeling. And watching this lady made me think of Aubrey.
Then I got thinking if I will be able to support her in the ways she needs. Will I be able to encourage her to leave? To open every door possible and glide through them with her arms wide open waiting to embrace everything and anything?!….hmmm…. I would love to jump up and down saying "yep that's me. cheering my girl on" But then the part of me that is so connected to her is sitting in the corner allowing the chest wracking sobs to take her over. How could I encourage her to go be with the rest of the world? I want her to myself. I don't want her to leave our little community and family because I just love her too much and can't imagine the hole she would leave Ben and I by taking on the world. But then that other side of me is winding up to kick the other part in the shin, tell her to grow up.
I truly feel like one of the hardest things to come is going to be watching our girls go out into the world. Watching them make a life of their own, decisions of their own. I know this is obviously quite a few years away and not really something I need to worry about all that much, but how do you Moms who have done it…well…do it?