Tuesday, December 4, 2012

A Tale of The...Handy Woman...

You know how people have like big hate on's for places like WalMart, you know big box stores?  Well I for the most part tend to be indifferent.  I Like shopping local when I can, but will readily admit I have shopped at said big box stores.  There is one though…one that shall remain my most hated place EVER….duh duh duhhhhh(insert dramatic music).   Cliff hanger moment right? It seems the most common one ever mentioned is WalMart. For me it will forever and always be…

I hate that place. And this last weekend reconfirmed my hatred for it. 

I would love to now dive into all the deep conversation that usually comes along with conversation about box stores. I'm gonna skip that one cause it has nothing to do with my hatred. 

My first point of contention with 'the place that shall not be named' is the buildings. DO you  know that when you stand still on the top floor you can feel its movement. There is a steady up and down motion. People used to laugh at me until I pointed it out and they actually stood there and felt it! It irritates me to no end. 

Next I shall paint you a little picture of my 'productive' day yesterday.  The girls and i got moving, made beds, folded some laundry, I put E down for a nap and decided to tackle our new IKEA purchase.  See we needed some storage for toys and such out in our living area. It was beginning to fall victim the the girls and there adventures.  

10:00am - I finished my laundry and looked around the room seeing all of the boxes for this new storage unit. I feel slightly irritated it's taking up the whole living room. So I think "Hey I don't need Ben I'LL put it together" (mistake #1) 

10:20 - Elise is down for a nap. Perfect timing I drag the largest box which contains the frame onto the floor.  I rip it open with purpose. After all I am a woman who can get things done.  Feeling pretty smug. Especially since Ben is happily working away in the basement and has no idea what is going on. I chuckle to myself feeling so sneaky and brilliant. 

10:30 - Instructions are anyones best friend. Yes they are. Except I am a little puzzled as to why IKEA has chosen to cheap out and not print words. They just use big block arrows.  Whatevs I am good at figuring this stuff out who needs words. 

10:40 - Just about have the whole frame done. But I run into my first snag.  I need another adult (sorry Aubs) to help lift it while I slide in the backing. SO I begrudgingly call Ben up. He looks surprised but helps me out. Then he tries to stay with me and finish it. I go into a long speech how I can obviously handle it AND I just want to help him out so he can focus on his work. He shrugs and heads downstairs. 

11:00 - So I thought by this point I would be near done. Not so much. Next I am onto putting together drawers. The actual drawer itself is pretty easy peasy. The tracking….different story.  This is where the swearing commences.

11:20 - I am begging with the tool gods to please stop stripping the screws so my job is easier. 

11:40 - Stupid effin screws

12:00 - Ben is upstairs I am laying on the floor (with Aubrey petting my head telling me it will be ok).  I explain to Ben that I am considering throwing the stupid thing in the driveway and running it over. This seems like a logical way to handle things.  Ben begs me to let him help. Obviously I refuse. Because now it's personal. It's like IKEA is trying to one up me.

12:30 - Ben gently explains that maybe I have the wrong sized screw driver and if I use a different one the screws won't strip.  I glare at him and tell HIm I obviously know how to pick the right tools. 

12:40 - I sneak downstairs to get a different better fitting screw driver.

1:00 - One drawer is successfully in. 

1:10 - I whip together the second drawer. Feeling feisty again. I am seasoned now. I KNOW how to do this. 

1:25 - Big smile on my face, nodding my head in approval as I slide my second drawer into place….*thud*…what the…*thud*. I look down to see why it won't close. F*ck!  I followed the instructions for the first one not the second. I placed the entire thing too low so it would smash into the first drawer…Seriously WHY NO WORDS ON THE INSTRUCTIONS…IDIOTS!!!

1:30 - laying on the floor contemplating all IKEA's being banned from the world. And how I could make it happen. 

1:35 - I sadly call Ben up to take a look. Bless him he doesn't laugh. How he doesn't is beyond me. 

1:45 - I am thanking the sleep Gods. Elise is ready for nap #2. Ben tells me to head to put her to sleep and he will start helping fix.

2:10 - I creep out of the bedroom (even though Elise has already been asleep for 15 minutes) to find a finished storage unit. 

I love my husband. I hate IKEA. 

No comments:

Post a Comment