Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Night Away

Today is one of my first big challenges since realizing I am struggling with a mild depression. Note I say mild, for some reason I feel its necessary it’s like a security blanket, if I say mild it’s like it makes it better.  Anyways, my mom is headed to Calgary for a workshop and has to stay overnight. So, she invited me along. 

This means I have to leave Aubrey on her own, ok not her own, but with her dad.  Overnight.

I know this should not send me straight to the deep end of the anxiety pool…but it does. The hardest part for some strange reason is when we part ways it will not be at home. We will be in Ponoka at Ben’s parents place, my mom will pick me up and Ben and Aubrey will head home. Something about not doing some of her routine and saying goodbye at our house really gets to me.
Who would wanna be a night away from this?

The idea of this trip only came up approximately 24 hours ago and I think I have talked myself out of going and back into going at least a dozen times.  Last night I even let Aubrey come into bed with me at 11:30 just because I knew she would snuggle me all night and I will have to miss a night of it.  

Last night when she woke to come find me Ben attempted an intercept so he could get her back to bed in her own room.  She sobbed of course, and cried for me.  There I am swimming in the deep end of the anxiety pool, only now the big screen TV is playing out how Aubrey will sob for me, and this time I won't be there…

Crossing my fingers that I can go and just enjoy some time to myself and with my sweet Elise.  Hopefully not too much energy put into fretting about things that are unnecessary!

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